Sunday, February 9, 2020

Comment Wall

Storybook Site

File:19th-century Ramayana manuscript, Ramakien, Thailand version, Lakshmana (Phralak) symbol of brotherly love and dedication.jpg
(Ramayana: wikimedia)


  1. Anna,
    I truly loved your version of "Another Love Story". The way that you describe and portray both characters really allowed me to not only envision who they are, but also form an emotional attachment to them.In a way, I actually resonated with your introduction. I came from a hard background and had to go against all odds throughout my childhood and even now into adulthood. I am excited to see where your portfolio takes you and hope to read more about these two lovers!

  2. Hello Anna,

    Great job on your story! I think you have done a great job of adding suspense to your introduction. The way you wrote your introduction makes it sounds like you’ve written a reality tv show promotion trailer and I am all here for it. You do a really good job of describing both main characters, giving us background on each, which is helpful for your readers because they may not be familiar with your story. Something that I also really love is the emotion that you add into your writing. The introduction is dramatic and also heart-warming, making me excited to read more.
    I think something that would help make your story better is if you provide a little bit more background information on Pramadvara and Ruru. The information you provided was great but I think it would be nice to know a little more, such as where they came from, how they came to meet, etc.

  3. Hi Anna!!
    I love your title page!! The picture you used is the one I used for my storybook from Mythology and Folklore! What a small world, or should I say storybook haha! I love the introduction to this story and how it really bases itself around one story just with many episodes! So is this story told like with an unknown narrator or is it going to be first person? Like will we see it play out in real time or is it going to be kinda like a person telling a story? The cliffhanger at the end is definitely different. I wonder if you can add something that will hint to the readers where this story is headed like are we going to start at the birth of the characters or jump to like where they met. Also, another suggestion would be to space the words out a little better just because now there are just paragraphs all jumbled up.
    Can't wait to see where this goes!

  4. Hey Anna,

    I really liked your rendition of your story, as well as your style of writing. I was inspired by your method of narration, and I feel like I can incorporate a similar style the next time I write, because it made your story flow really well! The descriptive words you use with each and every character is really unique; I have only seen a few others write in such detailed methods. I feel like using the descriptions that you do with the way you described the scene and characters made your story even more vivid that it already was, which made it so much more enjoyable. I would keep this up as it really made your story stick out from the rest. The suspense throughout the story as well as the beginning was a really good way to keep your audience interested, and it really kept me going as well! I would try to spread out your writing a little bit more, such as paragraph spaces between dialogue or between scene changes. Good job overall!

  5. Hi Anna!
    I liked your story a lot! The introduction did a really good job of briefing the story and letting the readers know what to expect out of it, and the story itself was well written, sweet, and understandable. I also really liked your author’s note, that so concisely and clearly explained why you wrote what and how you did, and that made me love it a little bit more. Doesn't it sound almost exactly like the Greek epic with Orpheus and his lost love who was bitten by a snake? And I wonder about the next story to come, because you did a good job of building suspense. My only comment for you was that the language tended to be a little choppy. In the introduction especially, it sounded like you were making short sentences to fulfill the word count over making everything flow smoothly. If you could find a couple more sentences to make the word count and could combine some of the sentences already in the intro, it would be even better!

  6. Hi Anna!
    I wanted to start of by first praising your website. I loved how you developed the feel of the site and you did a great job of adding some nice banners above your story to help create a sort of mood. Reading through your intro, you write so clean and concisely and I found it easy and enjoyable to work through. I think it also provided a bit of background about the upcoming story, and you brought information to the reader without spoiling the story.
    You did a great job of bringing life to the story by developing the characters in a way that we care about them. You lead us up the point in which they are to be together and snatch away Pramadvara in harsh death. You gave Ruru and ultimatum about living life unfulfilled or giving up half his life for another and I think that’s something many of us would have to seriously consider. Great job on writing this up. You left a bit of suspense there at the end and I wonder if you’re going to continue on.

  7. Hi Anna, I LOVE reading love stories so I was super excited to read and learn about Pramadvara and Ruru. I think there's just some charm about love stories between people that “were never meant to be together” but are still able to meet all the challenges in life in order to become one. I was happy to see that Ruru and Pramadvara ‘s families were supportive of their marriage. I think there's a common cliché of the families being against their kids' marriage to specific individuals, so I’m happy you avoided that. I liked that you wanted to use more understandable language, I also think that allows students to enjoy the story more if they understand it. I’m excited to see what happened next between Ruru and the snakes. My only suggestion would be rechecked grammar, I found one grammar mistake (haha, nothing big at all) but just a suggestion! Great job on the overall layout of your website, I like your color scheme and its super easy to read!

  8. Hey Anna,
    I love your storybook so far! I really like that I get to learn more about Pramadvara as I feel like I do not know too much about her or Ruru. I love your style of writing it is so engaging and keeps the reader wanting more especially uor intro. I am glad you're going off the beaten path and making it your own because so many people just retell stories and not even in a creative way!

    Honestly I think your storybook is coming along really well and I am excited to keep up with you and it. Maybe just some grammar and punctuation things lord knows i need all the help in that department too. Besides that keep up the great work and enjoy the rest of your semester. Also stay healthy and safe!

  9. Hi Anna,
    Your home page intro seems a bit odd. It may be better for you to do it in first person because we know you are writing the stories and making the website. Your photo for the introduction is perfect. You are writing stories about love so a book that makes a heart is great!! Your intro was very matter of fact. It may be nice if you added a little personality in the intro. Like really make it yours. I like in your story you did instant love. I have definitely experienced that and we are still strong today. I just wish there were more details that gave the story a bit more personality and dimension. It is a good story and it is so close to being great! You would just need to add a few words that really elevate tone and add more imagery. Also, you could let us know the characters personality better as well. Right now they are a little flat.

  10. Hi Anna,
    I really enjoyed your project entry/story retelling. I liked how you modernized the original text. I think it would be another cool addition if you changed the characters names a little to also fit the modernized theme. You did a great job with setting up the story and making the scenes/characters vivid and understandable. One of my favorite lines is when you describe after Pramadvara was bitten by the snake. "The poison ran through body and the life slowly left her body and soul." This was a great line and super gut wrenching in the original story and hit even harder here with your word choice. Great ending to the story as well. Glad to see that Ruru and Pramadvara got to live out there remaining years together as they had planned. So many couples I think would take this option to live a shorter life in exchange to have that life be spent together with their partner. Overall you killed it, awesome job on this.

  11. Hey Anna,
    I really like your theme for your project. I think your homepage is the perfect way to let the reader know what they are about to read. I know it got me excited to see how you moderinzed these epics! I really like your writing on the intro page. I like how descriptive you are when you are describing each character. I also thought your use of rhetorical questions makes the reader really think about what your saying rather than just simply reading it. I also really like how you are just focusing on one couple. After reading your homepage, I wasn't sure if it was going to be one couple with multiple stories about them or if each story was going to be a new couple. From reading your two stories, I really like you style of writing and the way you set up the plot and characters with so much detail that I can practically picture them in my head. Overall, I think your stories are really good and I can't wait to see your final project!


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